i've been thinking a lot lately, and i realized to myself that one of my secret 'dreams' or 'fantasies' is to become a j-rocker. ya really odd, i know it won't come true cuz i can't even speak that *fluent* japanese...but i can't just help but think that. i love singing so much, even though my voice is bad. but most of all, i love the emotions conveyed in that genre of music. it's one where you could stress out your feelings and convey understanding towards the lyrics. it doesn't have to make sense, it's just there. even though here and there lie metaphors, not to mention sudden changes in words where it doesn't fit, a little bit of puzzlement, i think it's beautiful. it can be happy or sad, or both, but it always tells of a story. okay maybe i'll stop rambling about it.
i'm into my summer vacation, and as mentioned so many times in my head, i need a job. BADLY. i hate having to rely on my mom or my grandparents because i feel guilty after them giving it to me. if i could earn my own money, i won't have to be so guilty on what i spend it on (even though i don't spend it on 'malicious' things, etc.)...but i just wanna have that freedom. most of the time when they do give me money, i feel spoiled rotten, and i don't like that. o well i'll just have to talk to my mom about looking out for jobs this week. today i baked strawberry jam cookies...they turned out pretty good. not to mention drinking 4 cups of tea a day. it's very relaxing !
well to leave off, here's some song lyrics i wrote when i was in a poetic mood. a lot of it is solemn and some don't make sense (i think, it's kinda messy). o well. the title of this is a really bad french translation from english..but again, o well. also, if you read the english translations of j-rock songs, you'll know what the song will mean or convey....like secret garden by gackt....or seki~ray...La vie de malade
The moon which reflects in the sea
seems as if it is in sorrow
Always the brightness
By which contrasts the lonely dark skies
And as I begin to dwell
My eyes mellow in wonder
How I begin to feel
As if I reflect the sorrow in the sky..
We dwell, in the midst of unknowing
Always there's a smile
but deep inside
Burrowing deep
is the pain of hurt
it's there, hidden beneath fantasies
but once woken up
we're back to reality..
once again
I walk the streets of life
the sidewalks still moist from the rain
or was it from the eyes.
Life's sickness
Reigns down upon
And before I know it
We cry ourselves to sleep..
yet again
We dwell, in the midst of unknowing
Always hoping for a blind fantasy
but deep inside
burrowing deep
Is life's sickness
Love's sorrow
Not the fantasy
but the reality
..is la vie de malade..
© Hazel Te
May 27, 2005
~owari~
-kaoru
